Love Your Life

The children have been back at school for a little while now and we are beginning to get the hang of it.  The mornings are far from being dark but neither are they totally light.  It only serves to remind me that they will only get darker.  Hate that.  The evenings and nights are certainly chilly and we have had the fire on a few times now.  But when the sun comes up and gets going, it really heats up!  We are still wearing Summer clothes; shorts and floaty dresses and sitting out in the garden until it gets too cool, then we scuttle indoors looking for cardigans and socks to pull on.  September is one of the best times of year for unexpected hot days, glorious sun sets and softening light.  It won't last long, so now is the time to enjoy it.

H2 seems to be settling into his new school now and I'm sure it helps to have Pea and H1 already there.  As it is a fairly small school as senior schools go, he bumps into them and their friends through out the day, which I thinks helps things feel less alien.  They are always done in by the time they come home and are always starving.  I bought half a chicken from the butcher today and have roasted it for tea.  As it is quite a hot day they can have it cold with salad and bread and butter.  I made a coffee and walnut cake yesterday and there is a tiny piece left which may be enough for pudding.

I am thrilled and relieved that things are going well for the children and they are getting on with their new routine after the ease of the holidays.  I am not doing so well.  I really miss them and can only half-fill my day.  The house doesn't take much cleaning and even if it did, it would be a thankless task to do it all day every day.  I have been looking for jobs suitable for a woman who has stayed at home and looked after children, home, garden and pets for years, but even the most menial tasks require experience that I don't have.  The school dinner lady thing came to nothing (thankfully) and clearly cooking for a growing family doesn't cut it in the competitive world of catering.  I have noticed that there is an awful lot of shift work available.  Even working in a shop demands flexibility and 'willingness to work evenings and weekends'.  No thanks.  I have accepted that I may have to work during the school holls, but I am definitely not working all the other hours of the day and night as well.  The rates of pay are rubbish too and do nothing to tempt an already reluctant job seeker.  The employers make great long lists of things they require from the 'successful candidate'; number one is 'Your Life'.  It seems that the moment they accept you as part of their ghastly team, they are under the impression that they own you.  Just because they give you a few pounds for your blood and sweat, doesn't give them the right to take over your entire life and dictate what you do with it.  If you have an ill child at home, you have to find someone willing to care for them as your place is at your job and not by your child's sick bed.  The Job comes first; children, husbands, dogs, parents and indeed anything else involved in real life doesn't even get a look in.

In return for all this juggling, loyalty and out and out stress, they offer a below minimum wage salary and a few measly days off a year, where you can actually go and do something nice.  Well you can providing the office doesn't get infested with fleas or the manager doesn't want to go on holiday then as well.  If so, forget it.  You don't count.  Maybe I am being a tad unfair and there really are nice, thoughtful employers out there.  I really, really hope so because I will not work for anyone else.  Been there, done that and it was horrid.  I have a nice life even if it is a little quiet at times and I want to enhance it with work, not ruin it and be miserable.  There are people who say if you are having fun you're doing it wrong.  Rubbish.  I say if you're not having fun you're doing it wrong.  We only get one go at life so we may as well enjoy it.

The bottom line is I am terrified of getting a job.  I have no qualifications to offer, no experience of the work place, no skills written down on bits of paper.  I can't work in an office as it's highly likely I would staple someone to the wall after ten minutes of office politics and being shut in.  I need to move about, see different people, be outside a bit.  The conundrum occupies my thoughts all day and keeps me awake at night.  I need the Perfect Job.  Sadly, I have no idea what it could be.

Excuse me while I go and chop up a chicken (a dead one-I cooked it first) and drown my sorrows in a nice cup of tea.  Have a good day and love your life! xxx