I must admit to not feeling at my best today. I woke feeling fine; the sun was out again and the birds sang merrily. It all began when the boys asked me what delights and joys my day held. I replied that I would be making something nice for tea, stupidly thinking that they would be thrilled. Not so. They greeted my announcement with suspicion and wariness. What is wrong with them, for goodness' sake? What is wrong with me?
They started to ask questions like 'Have we had it before?' and 'Do we like it?', 'What's in it?' and even 'Is it nice?' I mean,
really? My usually lengthy fuse suddenly shortened itself dramatically and I felt a real annoyance build up inside me in a nano-second. '
When,' I began 'Have I
ever given you anything to eat that wasn't nice?' Wrong thing to say, H1 proceeded to list the things that I have apparently force fed him over the years, and
then he claimed to like everything anyway and didn't know what I was getting so stressy about. Too late, my fuse was shortening by the second. 'Anyway,' I continued, making the boys jump as they had obviously moved on from this boring conversation and were quite taken aback that I was still in the middle of it. Solo. 'It is something you've had before, actually,
and you liked it.' Sensing a weakness here, they proceeded to dig and poke at the wounded animal. 'When did we have it last?' Oh for God's sake. 'A while ago.' I replied. 'Was it in this house or before when we lived in the cottage? Did we have it in England?' Right, enough answers from me.
I am the adult around here and
I decide what we eat. 'I made it when we lived in England, you all enjoyed it and you all lived to tell the tale, so it couldn't have been that bad. Stop quizzing me about my cooking; I have never given you anything poisonous yet,' I huffed, 'Although the temptation is growing daily,' I added this bit quietly, under my breath with my head in a cupboard, but H1 (also known as Radar Ears) heard me. How come he never hears me when I ask him to vacuum his bedroom, but the moment a bad word or sarcastic comment slips out of my mouth, he is on it like a Black Widow Spider after a fly.
Actually, as it is pancake day today, the whole conversation was a waste of time as the thing I was going to make (sausages in cream sauce with mashed potatoes) will have to wait until tomorrow. Or I may just not bother making anything at all and send them all out to forage for food in the wilds. We usually have lemon and sugar on our pancakes but a couple of years ago I ran out (ie, I forgot to buy any) and instead we had chocolate spread and chopped bananas. Absolutely gorgeous. I bought a jar of chocolate spread yesterday that H2 spotted in the back of the cupboard and his eyes lit up like giant dinner plates. 'It's not for now,' I cautioned, 'It's for pancakes tomorrow tea time.' His shoulders sagged and his face screwed up in agony as if to say
Tomorrow? Are you mad woman? Who can wait until tomorrow? I held firm and shoved the jar to the back of the cupboard. Again. H1 seemed happy with the pancake topping ideas and didn't comment. For a change. Pea was silent and listened to the exchange while pretending not to. She won't be happy with the sugar content of our planned tea. She will eye the sugar bowl as if there may be a possibility I have laced it with cyanide. The chocolate spread will be left untouched but she will eat more bananas than everyone else put together.
Puppy has picked up on the general atmosphere and has added his voice to the throng. He demands my attention by nibbling at the backs of my legs when I am washing up or cooking. It actually hurts and gets him the wrong kind of attention, but he doesn't seem to care; any attention is better than none at all. If that doesn't work, he will shove his head in the kitchen bin as far down as it will go. Yesterday he emerged with a ball of sticky tape in his mouth. Oh fine, I thought, eat it if you want, I don't care. He chewed at it for a bit then spat it out on the floor and left it there. This morning he ran about opening bedroom doors and stealing things that happen to be lying about on beds, under beds and in laundry baskets. I then ran about grabbing things off him before he chewed them beyond recognition, and put them all back from whence they came. Even the addition of bad language aimed in his direction didn't deter him and he was at it again before I had resumed my current task. A small plastic David Tennant was the last thing to be pilfered but I think he escaped unscathed. I have used him as a paper weight on the kitchen work top, (DT not Puppy) which seems to work quite well.
The only things I have achieved today are a line full of clean washing and a carrot cake for tea (after loading up with pancakes)
and that's it! I am wrung out, strung out and feel very un-pretty and un-sparkly. I am not sure at this moment whether it is a blessing that I don't have a husband, or not. If he was my dream man he would give me a hug, make me a cup of tea and tell me I'm beautiful (even if I look like a mad professor), but a rubbish husband would add his demands and complaints to those of the dogs and children, house and garden and make things ten times worse. Glad I haven't got that to worry about at least.
Puppy has been silent and conspicuous by his absence for the last hour. This is worrying. Not sure I want to go and look where he is and what he's been doing. I may not be able to handle it. When I was a very small child, I would hide behind a chair when we had visitors, with my backside in the air and my head buried in my hands. If I couldn't see them....
Wish I could get away with doing that now.xxx
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